Monthly Archives: May 2014

#13 Post-War Blues

Fading in slowly from a grey static is Joshua Rapture rocking backing forth in a corner, the only light comes in bars from his office window. A knock comes from the door and Joshua throws a roll of toilet paper at the sound. The latch turns and the light switches on, Joshua grimaces and shield his eyes. His office is a mangled mess of papers, newspaper clippings stuck to the wall with red thread running in lines to and fro.

Joshua: What are YOU doing here?

Joshua spits out his venomous words, dripping spit onto his face that hasn’t seen a razor in weeks. Joshua scratches at his head like a beggar with lice as somebody clears their throat. It’s a woman’s throat. Megan Adams’ throat.

Megan: Mr. Rapture? I requested this time for an interview? There was no-one at the front desk so I let myself in. Is that okay? Do you need some help?

Joshua: QUESTIONS! Ah hah yes the question girl, the first thing you say is a question so you MUST be the question girl. Question girl questions me quizzingly.

Megan: Mr. Rapture aside from the video sent to the NAPW office, you haven’t been seen in a month. There’s no-one in your gym, there is a rumor going around that you’re going through a crisis of faith so excuse me if I’m blunt but what EXACTLY is going on with you?

Joshua: Exactly? Expertly Andellion entrenched and encroached and then took an Exacto Knife and cut out my sinews Megan. And I feel exalted.

The New Dawn? I sent them home for the rest of the day. No, no, they’re on a Group Retreat. Ha! Yes, they are on a Group Retreat and I am not. Because I am above togetherness, I am one-ness and I am alone. Because I feel like being alone. Yes sounds much better than a collective questioning of my leadership since my loss to Moonwater and subsequent disposal of faith. Much better.

Megan: Well Mr. Rapture seeing the current state of your… affairs, is Pat Gordon Jr. even on your mind?

Joshua: MEGAN!! Haven’t you been listening to a word I’ve been saying? This is ALL about good ol’ boy PGJR!! hahaha I’m ecstatic to fight Patty! If you want to know why, you have to start clapping. Do it with me now:

Clap-ClapClapClapClap-Clap-ClapClap-ClapClap

Clap-ClapClapClapClap-Clap-ClapClap-ClapClap

He’s Gonna Get His Freaking Head Kicked In!

Clap-ClapClapClapClap-Clap-ClapClap-ClapClap

Clap-ClapClapClapClap-Clap-ClapClap-ClapClap

He’s Gonna Get His Freaking Head Kicked In!

Clap-ClapClapClapClap-Clap-ClapClap-ClapClap

Clap-ClapClapClapClap-Clap-ClapClap-ClapClap

He’s Gonna Get His Freaking Head Kicked In!

…Joshua abruptly stops, jumps up off the floor and starts approaching Megan, Megan recoils partly out of fear and partly due to the stench. Joshua points toward his office wall that is covered in a spider’s web of newspapers.

Joshua: Do you see that? Do you? This is every piece of information I could pull on Andellion Moonwater. I was trying to find out if he was real or not and he turned out to be the most real of us all. I spent my soul into that wall. Ripped up chapters of pages from a book I’ll never read. hahaha Want to know what I see when I look at that wall Megan? Do you?

Joshua gets extremely close to Megan’s personal space, a squeak slips out of her throat. Joshua whispers into Megan’s ear.

Joshua: God is Dead, Long Live Joshua Rapture.

Like a gunshot Joshua turns and rips the clippings off the wall, flinging everything he get a hold on. Megan and crew bolt out the door leaving Joshua Rapture inside his office, screaming at the top of his lungs.

“God is Dead. Long Live Joshua Rapture.”

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#12 Save Myself

April 29, 2014, 11:32 pm

Blood. A bloody footprint on the road outside of Polish Hall. The picture shakes and rolls until we see the face of Josh Reynolds, NAPW’s resident roving reporter.

Josh Reynolds: It’s 11:30 pm and House of Cards just let out.  These footprints were found outside the locker room emergency exit doors and …well NAPW fans, take a look for yourselves!

Once again the lone reporter flips his handheld camcorder and clicks on a flashlight attachment, illuminating the area outside of Polish Hall.

Josh Reynolds: As you can see, The Royal Alexandria Hospital is right across the street. However these footprints go around the corner  and in the complete opposite direction into a neighborhood! NAPW viewers we have a mystery here, we received word that Andellion Moonwater has been administered to The Royal Alex for a precautionary overnight stay. So it MUST be Joshua Rapture’s footprints. The question is… Where did he go?

Suddenly, the footage fast forwards as Josh Reynolds makes his way North on Kingsway, bloody footprints all along the way. The footage stops.

Josh Reynolds: Look at this. The blood not getting much fainter, but even weirder, here’s a bootprint I’m presuming to be the boots Rapture was wearing and next to it ANOTHER set of footprints. Ladies n’ Gents, this just gets weirder.

Again the footage speeds up, double time now. Reynolds squawks like a mouse on helium as they turn onto 105 st and again onto 110 Ave. They continue walking down 110 Ave until they stop at a low-key building, blood going up the steps. Josh puffs and lets out a small sigh.

Josh Reynolds: Well, I don’t know how a man bleeding out could do it but we’re here. Wherever here is.. I’d say we’re about 300 meters away from Po-

Oh.

The camera pans to a sign outside the building, it reads:

Ukrainian Orthodox Church of Canada

The door clicks, realizing that he must’ve caught up to the weakened Rapture, Reynolds races up the stairs and goes through the front doors.

Flanked by not one but two figures, Joshua Rapture looks over his shoulder to the camera. His face…perfectly clean. He smiles.

Joshua Rapture: I knew you would follow.

The two figures he is with are women, adorned with floral pattern ankle length “Hutterite” style dresses. One of the women is also covered with “blood” that she spills from a bucket.

A short old mustachioed man in a black robe stops the group from entering further.

Ukrainian Priest: Ця церква закрита! Боже мій, що трапилося з вашою спиною!

The priest is greatly disturbed by the shirtless, bloodied man with welts and scars going all over his back.

Joshua Rapture: Please… Father. The flogging. It… it didn’t work. I didn’t achieve enlightenment. I… failed.

Rapture’s head sinks, stumbling toward the priest.

Ukrainian Priest: You need Doctor, no Church. Ви з глузду з’їхали психо

Rapture’s head sinks lower.

Joshua Rapture: Please, I need to speak to Him.

The old priest sighs and moves aside, Josh Reynolds follows closely behind not daring to speak as they make their way to the pulpit. The two women retreat to the first pew as Joshua steps up and collapses immediately. Rapture clasps his hands together tightly and buries his face into the carpet, whispering gibberish. Josh Reynolds makes a involuntary gasp as Rapture starts digging his own fingernails into his flagellation welts. The women shush him.

Josh Reynolds (whispering): Whats… what’s he doing?

One of the women turns her head and gives him an unapproving glare. Her hair, silvery blonde; her eyes; sparkling blue, her cheeks rosy and warm, she can’t be any older than 18.

New Dawn Girl(whispering): He’s… listening.

Joshua Rapture is now sitting on his knees, prostrating himself, rocking back and forth.

Josh Reynolds: But.. why?

New Dawn Girl: Because he’s… unsure.

Josh Reynolds: UNSURE OF WHAT!

Both women shush Reynolds again as Joshua Rapture finishes his ministrations. He looks up to the heavens.

Joshua Rapture: Are you sure? …….. I understand.

Joshua Rapture makes his way up off his knees, waving off the help of his two escorts and spreads his arms wide, adressing all of the church as if it were full.

Joshua Rapture: My children! An epiphany! The path of the Lord has once again shown itself to me. And what a dark and dreadful road it is. It is a road full of spiderwebs and broken splattered chunks of concrete. This path has been abandoned children! Abandoned by the Lord. And why? “Why!“, I ask the Lord, and he does not respond. He does not respond and I’m supposed to take that as a sign of good faith? Am I supposed to assume that the Lord invests in me and then throws impossible obstacles at me?

Impossible odds, friends. Where my enemies are not nearly humans, but super powered freaks. Monsters that exorcisms could not exfoliate from this Earth and yet the Lord beckons forward. I see this dark forest and I call it NAPW and I know what lies through the leaves and it is worse than you can ever imagine. And so I tried, I tried to save them all. I tried to find the light, but the darkness overwhelmed. I failed. I failed Moonwater. I failed God. And now I cannot SEE the end of the path.

Joshua starts punching himself in the temple, blood trickling down.

Joshua Rapture: I cannot see the Light through the forest.

So I will burn the forest to the ground.

God is Dead, Long Live…. ME.

End.